An "Overweight" Sex Life

An "Overweight" Sex Life     

This  article reviews aspects of sexual play and intercourse for those who are overweight, have partners who are overweight or are in a partnership where both partners are overweight.

There are many overweight people who have a wonderful sense of self esteem and enjoy a fruitful, creative and pleasureful sex life. There are also those who struggle with being overweight physically as well as emotionally.

There are many reasons why people put on excess weight, from physical to emotional aspects and  struggled with low self esteem.

Feeling self conscious of their weight during sex, feeling afraid to be nude in front of their husband, and even having intense disgust with their body, They had to deal with all the possible negative feelings one can have when it comes to being overweight. Even with an accepting and loving partner, there is nothing worse sexually than feeling repulsive during sex as your level of vulnerability is so high. I can certainly relate to those that have similar experiences and wanted to let those of you have feel this way… you are not alone.

Again, this is not to say that all people that are overweight feel self conscious about it during sex; but those with self esteem issues that tie into their weight most certainly do and I did not want to neglect this aspect as it can be a terribly painful challenge to work through.

What I have known for a long time and had to work hard to actually embrace as a reality is to know that our worth is not dictated by our appearance. What I mean, is that while I have always felt accepting of other people and have deep empathy and compassion, I have struggled in providing that to myself. I felt that when I was overweight, that I was not as worthy of love and respect from myself or others as when I was thin. I knew this was irrational, yet emotionally it was difficult to escape feeling that way.

Obstacles from size issues such as a large belly or lack of flexibility and cardiovascular endurance can be aided. If two obese people are coupled, intercourse may prove to be challenging, but nonetheless it is not only possible, but can be wonderfully satisfying. Obesity is rarely, if ever, a barrier to  intercourse. Fat is never stored in the penis, nor does it choke off access to the ovaries.

Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy. The concept of being sexually undesirable is a strong influence in many cultures and may create a strong feeling of wanting to hide.

When one gains weight they may find that due to the chemical changes in the body their sex drive or functioning is reduced. This may occur to lowered self esteem and poor body image due to the weight gain as well which in turn can lower sex drive and performance. However, keep in mind that most overweight people do just fine when it comes to their sex drive and ability. If there are challenges-

Women may find that they will skip periods on their menstrual cycle and find that sex is more stressful than pleasurable the more weight they gain. Men may find that they have difficulty maintaining an erection and have difficulty getting full penetration due to a larger waist line. Weight loss certainly aids these issues, but be warned with fad diets as "yo-yo" dieting (loosing and regaining weight repetitively) may also cause physical problems that affect sexual drive and functioning as well.

Men may also experience these concerns, however it is often seen more commonly in women as statistically obese men typically have less opportunity for sexual interaction and their excess weight may keep them out of the sexual arena for many years.

Everything is interconnected and thus you really cannot ignore the importance of taking care of yourself on all levels. In the real world, sex is often accompanied by anxiety. Even if it only occurs infrequently everyone at one time or another has experienced fear of rejection, fear of not meeting their partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform as these are among the most common emotional barriers to sex. Anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance and many overweight people suffer all these problems amplified by their excess weight.

 Certainly being overweight can increase one's risk of disease and being extremely overweight can make the risks even higher. Whether one wishes to stay overweight, lose weight or even gain weight it is important to provide your body with the nutrients it needs through a diet rich in vitamins, minerals via water consumption, vegetables, fruits, protein and whole grains. In addition, getting adequate physical activity, STRESS reduction activities and sleep are not only ways to maintain health no matter your weight, but also keep your sex life robust and pleasureful.

Again, I am not saying that all overweight people are uncomfortable with their excess pounds, I am merely presenting some of the obstacles for those whom ARE uncomfortable with being overweight may experience.

Apart from agonizing experiences of rejection, some overweight people experience a lowering of expectations. Women in particular often have strong feelings in this area as if they feel they are risking too much rejection by even contemplating a relationship with the sort of person they want for a partner.

These self deprecating situations can be broken by acquiring self-esteem and confidence in life and specifically in sexuality regardless of weight loss

In fact, the human body is remarkably well-designed for storing fat in large quantities. Mother Nature keeps fat away from the vital and sensory organs, away from the joints, and away from the genitals.

 Stereotypes of overweight people are often bullshit. Sorry for being so blunt, but it's true! Overweight people are NOT lazy, they are NOT less INTELligent, they are NOT always jolly. They ARE the same inside as those who are thin and ARE just as sexual as anyone else. They are beautiful human beings no matter what society tries to dictate.

I feel strongly that no matter your weight, sex can be beautiful, sensual and even healing. What the numbers say on the scale is not measurement of self worth and whether you want to lose weight, or stay the way your are, great sex always comes down to embracing the beauty in ourselves and with our partner. Loving ourselves for who we are, as we are in each moment.

Sounds great right? but sometimes its not so easy to feel inside. For a long time I struggled to get my body back in shape and to lose weight. I tried many diets,  and exercise .

After a few years of struggling with my emotional connection with food I finally figured out the perfect diet, lost weight and was able to feed my need for nurturing without excess food. The diet? LOVE… self love. I realized that until I was able to accept myself no matter what, whether I was overweight, had the privilege to grow old and watch my body deteriorate over time… I would never know what it was to be happy.

Since that time, I have have steadily provided myself with more acceptance, and compassion. I have forgiven myself for not being perfect and allowed myself to experience life as the messy, challenging, exhilarating, beautiful. True, someday I still stumble over self esteem and even find myself thinking that eating an entire bag of junk foods would be nice. We all have those days. It is how we handle things on a long term basis. It is a daily commitment to a lifestyle of loving ourselves to do what will ultimately make us happy, healthy and able to achieve our dreams.

No matter what we struggle with, it is our perception of ourselves that creates our reality, and when we perceive ourselves as unworthy of love, ugly, or even inadequate than we create a life where we never fully live. That is why we must first begin with loving ourselves no matter our shape, size, or appearance. We are all beautiful human beings, we all deserve love.

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